Originally Posted by
biminiblue 
That's an interesting thing to say, though. "I did it until I lost my power of choice."
Until I lost my power.
I never lost my power, ever. If I had lost my power I never would have been able to stop and stay stopped. That's AV dressed up in its sheep clothing, that statement you made.
You are right about this bimini. Perhaps I should have said that I felt like I had lost my power of choice. The truth is that I had the power all along, my Beast just had me convince otherwise. There was no separation at all and that voice was me. It started out as, I party but it's not a problem, to, jeeze I think I'm drinking and drugging too much, to, OMG I wish I could stop this nonsense, to, f*ck I'm in trouble here I don't think I can stop. I certainly didn't feel powerful when I was drunk again just hours after I'd promised myself I was going to stop. But yes, if I had been authentically powerless I wouldn't be sitting here today abstinent 7 months and counting.
I let those thoughts in yesterday and that's all my AV needs, just a small opening, I have to be mindful of my thoughts. I can't control every thought that pops up in my mind, but I can control which ones I choose to engage with and respect or entertain, if that makes sense.