The finality of never again experiencing the pleasurable side effects of drugs and alcohol is a hard thing to accept. I still have a sad feeling sometimes when I let myself dwell on it, and yeah most of it is AV but some of it is me too, I had some good times and sometimes I miss it. I don't know how that sits with AVRT, I feel like I'm making some kind of a betrayal by saying that out loud. Am I allowed to miss it? Or is that a weak spot in my BP? I would never act on it. Or is that what's meant when Algo says you live comfortably with residual desire, that I can feel that way and just let it be. Like breaking up with a person who was fantastic in bed but mean and abusive outside of the bedroom. You would never go back, but you also never totally forget about the sex.