Andagain I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It can be really tough to see clearly and choose a better coping mechanism sometimes. I did something similar to you and got wasted on the anniversary of my partners death on 29th July. I had 99 days sober at that point. I did nip it in the bud and have worked on my thinking since then and have 57 days again. It can be done. You may feel sad about your "lost" days but steadily and slowly you will get stronger. Learn from this. Alcohol never makes anything better. Take care of yourself and again I'm so sorry for what you are going through xxx