Hi Andagain
I think you should take the energy you're using to beat yourself up with and use it to dump anything that's left of the booze, drink some water, hit the sack and start fresh tomorrow
I lost a good mate to cancer a few years back - he was fit healthy never did anything immoderately, left behind a wife of about a year.
I was brutal on my AV. Had to be.
When my AV suggested I needed to drink to cope with this I reminded it that I was not dealing with anything 1/100 the pain and agony my friend and his wife were.
They weren 't drinking - I'm sure it never even occurred to them to do that. They wanted to savour every moment together they could.
I'm glad I stayed sober because it allowed me to do the same.
That was my takeway from that and it changed my life, in a good way.
The AV loves it when it gets a legit excuse - but there really are no legit excuses for people like us - and even of they were, this really isn't one of them, andagain
D