Anna,
It took courage for you to write this post and to see your situation in an honest light. Good job!
Here's a tough question for you: do you want to go another 7 years still abusing alcohol, posting on SR, but not making any changes, or are you ready to make some changes?
I guarantee you that 99% of us who walked thru that door way threshold into our first AA meeting were scared sh*tless.
You can do this! Use the same courage and honesty that brought you to type the truth here, to go to your first AA meeting. You'll see that to all the other people in the room, we look comfortable, happy, and like it's no big deal being there. But we were all like you at one time. We all thought we couldn't live without alcohol. Whatever you are thinking and experiencing now, every alcoholic likely has thought and experienced, too.
I was one of those who sat in the back of the room and cried for the first 4-6 weeks and didn't talk to anyone lol. I'm a completely different person now. I have come a very long way and owe the program of AA both my recovery and my life.
You can do this! Don't let your mind tell you that you can't.
