It's good to see you again, Bombshell.
I understand how you feel about letting go of it. I was the same way at 38. So I kept on drinking because I convinced myself that nothing would ever be fun again. In fact, drinking hadn't been enjoyable for a long time. I kept insisting I could manage it - but each time it was in my system, unexpected things happened. I could never trust myself to do the right thing - I was in danger many times, embarrassed, humiliated. It's no way to live. You'll be avoiding all the misery by stopping now. We're glad you're here.