I think it’s natural to minimize abuse when it’s not in the stereo typical kind we see or hear about on TV and in books, articles and newspapers. That old movie “The Burning Bed” as an example.
I think it’s natural to justify their behavior on the alcohol……….if only they didn’t drink they wouldn’t say or act that way.
Both the above thinking is called living in “denial” of the severity of your situation.
I think it’s a good idea to contact the 800 number Anvillhead provided and speak with a professional who can guild you on what resources are available to you in your area.
Not all alcoholics/binge drinkers abuse their wives physically and verbally. That is a whole separate issue that he would need to address on top of the drinking.
I sit in the rooms of al-anon with woman who felt the abuse came along with the consumption of the alcohol until sadly they learned that was not the case. Often while sitting in an ER with broken bones, black eyes and shock because they never thought it would happen to them.