My question is, when do you know it's time to stop trying? How do you turn it off? To this day I want to go to him and help him get clean, remember who he was before this drug took control of his life. I don't know in what ways to let go, and in what ways to still hold on. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
I don’t think you every stop trying to help them, its more about learning the healthier ways of help that help us which in turn MAY one day help them.
Programs like al-anon, nar-anon help us learn better ways of thinking/coping which then help our actions to become positive rather than negative to ourselves and others.
Praying for your son is a healthy action on your part. Taking action to help you in your own recovery is taking action on your part so that when/if your son is ready to help himself he will have your healthy support.