I really am looking for recovery and I have tried various ways to attain long term sobriety...to be honest I think what makes it so hard is the easy access of my DOC via internet
Yes I completely agree that changing myself is most important which is why geographics usually don't work (it usually is running away from yourself) and therapy really has been helping let go of all the childhood trauma etc. BUT when it comes to using..I often feel completely OUT OF CONTROL..I am not myself and I put myself in an extremely self-destructive situation by meeting a total stranger to get my "fix".
Thanks for the hope and I truly do want better times ahead. However, I know that my issue with using is extremely tricky. I am now 26 and this started when I was 21...I have been to rehab, I have move away, I have tried to keep busy...and this year was therapy which helped me get to 11 months but clearly something larger is at play as I relapsed again...
Right now my head is at completely staying away from internet/computer until I get a serious amount of time clean and that will be hard to maintain if I try to do a masters program which requires internet access but I am reaching a desperate point where taking the risk of isolation via living without a computer for a long long amount of time might be my only saving grace...
As far as 12 step recovery I may give it another go but I truly truly don't think it's for me but I will of course always keep an open mind.