I'm very sorry you feel so low. I know how discouraging it is when you relapse and how hard it is to keep on trying. I sincerely hope you will not give up on yourself. Your therapist suspects you have Bipolar disorder. It seems like it would so helpful to get referred to a dr who can diagnose you and offer treatment. Bipolar disorder can be treated. I'm glad you will be in a program that deals with your disorder and I hope that helps you. Keep trying to find something that works for you.