Hi tangledknot.
Can only add that I so wish I'd stopped when i knew i was different. I didn't. It got worse. "If only..." is hard to live with. Do it now. It's a new scary place to imagine journeying to, but when you get through the scary, foggy exit/entrance of drink/sobriety you will start to feel sooo much happier. We're all saying it as we've experienced it. It's the best we can get.