Originally Posted by
FreeOwl 
You've shared a story that many of us have lived. I can promise you - that life does NOT get better. It gets worse. It gets more painful. It impacts many others. It spreads the pain and destruction and eventually - it just kills you in some awful manner, killing the hearts and wounding the souls of those who care for you along the way.
In contrast - accepting the obvious and taking on the responsibility of making yourself into the best version of you that you possibly can by embracing sobriety with all you've got - will result in elevating your life to new heights, bringing about positive to those you care about and to many others in life.... it will turn the whole story around.
There is no drink, no high, no drug, no bottle, no buzz that will compare to a life of gratitude, sobriety and joy
Thank you so much for your response. It actually brought me to tears. My greatest fear is that I won't be able to quit and that it will get worse. I know that my family worries about me a lot already. It hurts me to know that I'm hurting other people. I can't imagine being rejected by my mother if I break her heart with this addiction.
I know that I'm an addict, but I don't understand the psychological mechanisms that drive addiction because I never wanted to know. I've always...discriminated, I guess you could say, against people that chose to be sober. I guess in my mind I thought that they were boring and unwilling to take risks.
Sobriety is a completely unexplored landscape for me. I'm not sure what to expect or if I should expect anything, but I really hope that you're right when you say that things get better eventually. I've been an emotional wreck so far, which as you can imagine, just makes me want to drink again. Day 2 complete. Gotta start somewhere I guess.