Yep, it's exhausting isn't it, Darlad? You don't have to be embarrassed here, we get it. I can't tell you what a relief it was to stop. I felt free, free to live without carrying a giant weight on my back. No more hiding, lying and sneaking around to drink.
Support made the difference for me. I was able to stay sober with the help of this community. I'm glad you posted.
Hang around... you can do this!