Why can't things be easy and clean? Why can't the tie just be severed, fixed, say goodbye, get help? Why does it have to drag on?
I'm thinking I'm doing ok, albeit a lot to learn, process etc. And then I get a curve ball.
Haven't spoken in a couple days to him, told him I won't be in a relationship with someone in active addiction.
He is on FB every few minutes all day long, as long as he is conscious. When he goes off FB for half the day or more typically means he is passed out. So he went off FB for 2 days, only to surface to say that I don't accept or respect him so he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Then he says how he quit drinking and my lack of belief in him, my constant suspicion is too much for him, bringing him too much negativity. he loves him and that's why he quit drinking but I'm such a downer that he needs someone that accepts him and believes in him. on and on...
This gets in my head and starts playing games with me. I know to my core that he has not quit, that he has been drinking all the while but he continues to lie and makes it about my lack of trust. So this plays on my grasp of reality. has he quit? am I being overly suspicious? I don't think so, but it messes with my head.
I think I must want him to just be honest, to catch him with evidence of his lies to make him see its not my inability to love etc and that he has a problem. I know this will not happen as long as he is using. I've believed him or hoped to believe him so many times. Am I just jaded and can't see it when he is successful? I think he is just pulling me along and seeing how many lies he can convince me of....
This is so messed up.
T