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Old 09-08-2017, 10:02 AM
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Heelkat
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Profound Sadness

I've been lurking on this website for quite sometime. My husband has been addicted to pain pills for at least 5 years and alcohol for probably 15 or more. When using alcohol alone, his job didn't suffer, but his family life did. We have been separated for a little over an year and a half. I finally forced him out because people were pulling into my driveway selling pills. We both have adequate income, but I finally realized that his use was causing considerable financial strain.
We've had our ups and downs-dating off and on during the separation. Eventually, he grew tired of renting and I paid him out his portion of the house. He first asked if he could move back in rather than purchase a home. I told him if he was clean and sober for 6 months, we could talk about it. He said he was willing to quit the pills, but not the alcohol. So he buys a house. Summer came and we saw each other less frequently and I definitely felt the distance. Upon moving my daughter into her dorm, I suddenly felt the reality that I now had one in college and one in high school and now was the time I could finally start to enjoy life more. I thought maybe it was worth extending an olive branch.
One week later, he posts a picture on social media of him and a woman. I went ahead with asking if there was any point in working on our relationship while making it clear that the two of us couldn't work on a relationship if there were 3. He said he had fun with this woman, but overall didn't express that she was his girlfriend. As a matter of fact, he actually said disparaging comments about her. He said he was unsure if we could work things out, but moved in the direction of staying some and going out together. He said he would like it if I went with him to a suboxone clinic for his first visit and said he would change his phone number. (he did neither)
A week later, he posts a picture with this woman to his instagram account. My 14 year old daughter sees this and is absolutely heartbroken. In an irate state, I messaged the woman blowing his cover and mentioned the substance abuse. He's furious with me and "maybe people will get the hint when they see a happy healthy man because I don't have to deal with you anymore. Now I see I would have been miserable with you because you are a POS." Everything is my fault and he refuses to take responsibility for anything. I filed the papers for divorce as that is the only way I can get the 401K he owes me and I'm afraid he may run through it. My children and I are both in counseling and I am going to try Al-anon again. Despite it all, I do love him. He says he absolutely has no love for me at all, although that is not what he was saying the past two weeks. Why can't I get that statement out of my head? Why am I afraid that he will get clean and sober for her and I was never enough?
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