Originally Posted by
Agoodman04 
thank you everyone.
I wanted to give you a little more info on what I'm dealing with.
She feels it's ok to go "have a drink" whenever she wants, while me
and/or her kids are sitting at home.
She knows that I grew up in an abusive household with an alcoholic father that would beat my mother. I would sit up with her as a child while she waited for him to come home. I've told her that her doing that brings back such anxiety and bad memories back and I've asked her to please understand what that does to me, and to the kids I'm sure. The kids had to deal with her DUI's and jail time before I came in to the picture.
Maybe not everyone feels like I do. But I don't think sitting at a bar drinking is a place for someone who has a family sitting at home. I guess my childhood has put those beliefs in me.
Of course it doesn't seem to matter to her.
When she mentioned I've ruined her social life, I even said, well, then let's do something about it. Let's do more with the kids, let's vacation, let's get healthy together, exercise, go to church together. Have friends and family over.(which we rarely do, she says it causes her stress). A lot of family has been a little alienated.
Sorry to ramble, my brain is scrambled
Hi AGM,
Welcome to the forum.
I too found myself feeling as you do. Including the feeling of my brain being scrambled.
For me it ultimately boiled down to this, I was trying to solve a problem that wasn't mine to solve.
I feel like I'm a fairly intelligent man. Good career where I use my brain daily to solve problems and generate ideas to fix things.
Only when I resigned myself to the fact I would never understand and I could never fix this, did I begin to find some semblance of peace.
I started doing things on my own and with the kids. I wasn't perfect in my detachment. I found myself begging, pleading, and cajoling. I can't tell you how many times I would say "if only"
The reality is my situation did not have a happy ending and we didn't live happily ever after. She never committed herself to battling her disease which was her choice all along and now she's gone forever.
The disease of alcoholism is progressive and unfortunately it only gets worse if someone does not abstain completely.
I have forgiven her for the choices she made. And I've forgiven myself for the choices I've made.
In the end, life is too short to be unhappy and just because you love someone does not mean you are obligated to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. You can only make decisions and choices that you think are best for your life.
I wish you the very best and hope you find the strength to be happy. Whatever that may be.