Yeah there is no coming back from being a black out drinker. I was the same, would say and do horrid things and have no memory of it, just a gut feeling that I went too far yet again. Trying to moderate after that black out 'switch' has been flicked is impossible, I tried for years until I realised I just can't drink.
You got 6 months before so you know you can do it
but guard your sobriety like it is life and death because it really is.
I just hit the 10 month mark with 1 minor blip on the way and before November last year I could not string 2 days sober together.
Have you got any hobbies or interests that you can sink your teeth into? Keeping busy is important I have learnt.
Congrats on your nuptials by the way. I'm sure it will be a beautiful day full of love and joy x