icandothis,
So glad you're here and looking for better ways than white-knuckling. That is sometimes just as miserable as drinking (without the puking), isn't it?
I agree with the others. There is a life in sobriety and there are plenty of sober people out there - we just need to do some work. Intimidating, uncomfortable, inconvenient? Yeah, but isn't going to work with a hangover or talking with your fiance after a blackout those same things?
I resisted AA for ten years. What a waste! When I found the right meetings, and I did have to look around, I landed in a place where I've found understanding and friendships. No Big Book thumping in any of these.
I think it's safe to assume that you want to throw everything you can in building and maintaining a successful marriage. Step 1: Start with your sobriety above all else. Go to inpatient rehab or intensive outpatient treatment or AA or SMART or all of these.
My debilitating depression and anxiety when I was drunk was real - alcohol just brought it out of hiding and intensified it. So I see a therapist too.
I have a thread over in the Alcoholism forum if you want to know more - don't want to take over your thread with my suggestions.