icandothis20

Hi Guys,

First time posting here. I have known for a long time that I was an alcoholic. I quit drinking last summer for 6 months, and then relapsed and have been drinking heavily ever since. I black out all the time, but I am only 26 years old and cannot imagine a life with no alcohol. I have two destination weddings coming up (one that is mine, that probably wont happen if I don't sober up) and the other is my best friends. I am so scared that I cant do this.

I have recently been blacking out and freaking out on my Fiancé, and I have told him horrible things about how I cant over stuff from the past etc., and now I am afraid he thinks that is true. I recently quit smoking weed too.. and ever since then I am drinking way way more than I was and I just have this chip on my shoulder I am angry all the time, at anything.

I cant do it alone this time. Last time I was white knuckling it because I have a lot of pride, and I am so scared to tell people I don't drink anymore and to fail again. I don't know what to do... I'm scared, lonely, and lost. I just got out of a 4 day binge and I hate myself. I wake up drenched in sweat, my mouth is so dry. I have extreme depression and anxiety over things I have said and done while drunk. I feel suicidal a lot of days after drinking. I don't have one sober friend. The only one I have is because she is pregnant...