Agm,
Welcome and I am sorry you are here. It's not fun to love an addict.
We all understand what you are going through. I tried for 34 years to get my axh to understand my problem with his drinking. He didn't get it. With a lot of work in alanon and open aa meetings plus sr, I realized that he didn't have a problem with his drinking. I did, so it really wasn't his problem to work on, it was mine. Once I made that connection, my life started to improve.
I worked on my issues on how I am codependent. I learned how to detach from my addict when he was engaging me when he was drunk. Eventually I built up enough strength to divorce him. I learned how even though I loved him I didn't have to live with him and I could love him from a distance, even divorced .
Education is power. You are not in a hurry. Read, read and read more. You will understand that your addict is no special snow flake. She is no different then any of the other addicts on this forum. They pull the same thing on all of us Codie's they confuse us and make us crazy. Do your homework and make smart decisions. We are all here for you!! Hugs!!