...and how did that work for ya?
I had to learn from my mistakes and bad patterns, too. Some of us are more stubborn than others. Do you see how your past patterns have played out by making you more anxious and less able to cope? It's a progressive thing, just like alcoholism. People-fixing is as serious an issue as it gets if the person trying to "fix" lets it take over. See how difficult it is for you to let go? She is your project. You are in charge of her. She is not playing fair, in your eyes. You invested everything! How could she not be appreciative!
The fact this is so uncomfortable for you is telling, no?