Cuckoo and bllit - better days are coming, we promise. I drank 30 yrs. I never dreamed I'd be able to make it through one day without it - but here I am with almost 10 yrs. sober. All the anxiety and bad feelings will fade - you'll grow stronger & more hopeful. I agree with Dee about the Class of Sept. thread - everyone understands what you're going through.
Be proud of yourselves for coming here and posting - and trying for a better life.