But maybe just maybe you guys can get strong. Seperately but together.
Coming out the other end of this and learning and growing together. This would be the ultimate story of triumph and restoration. If you both do the hard work and are devoted and determined you guys could be ready to face almost any challenge together.
It could mold you into great people who will have a true testimony to share and maybe help others. I believe that relationships and people have become disposable to a certain degree. This is a true fight to the death. In so many ways. Not just the dangers of actual death, but a spiritual death as well. Drugs will devour the users soul, and the beast does not stop there. It will ravage anyone who not only stands in its way, but who merely stands by. It really is the stuff from the most vile horror movies. Watching your loved one destroy themselves. The worry. The negative feelings. Knowing that you cant do anything but watch. Every bit of help you give may be doing more harm than good.
Say this is like a horror movie and the good guys win in the end. Well with an addict there is no end. The addiction is that last cut scene when you think all is well and the monster shows the audience they are still there. Beaten, weak, but will be ready for a sequel.
Are you ready to do this dance all over again? Everyone becomes calm and you think life is good. Then the monster for whatever reason returns, and the battle wages on... again.
Hopefully you havent become lazy in your ongoing recovery. By this time at least a year or longer has gone by.
Are you ready to go through this again? This is part 2 of your personal horror story. Maybe now you can defeat the monster. Maybe this will have multiple sequels.
But maybe not. Maybe you will both recover and live out a meaningful life filled with life lessons, love, and be a testimony for others.
This is the tough pill to swallow. There is no sure bet. Life has no sure bets, but this is different.
4 months in.... I know where you are. I had the choice to stay or go at that point. I love this woman. I chose to stay. As I almost got up to leave, my head telling me to run... I stayed. Two years later things have gotten worse. I have gotten worse up to a point. I have made changes in my life. Nothing super major. She has gotten worse. She has aged. Her beauty is fading. This wonderful woman I once knew has been replaced by need. When I look into her reptile eyes, she is different.
Sleepless nights, fear, pain, rejection, anger, resentment, darkness, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, heartache, sadness, loneliness, uncertainty... These are familiar feelings.
Obsession, compulsion, control, lack of control.
These are what I battle with. Sounds like what the addict SHOULD feel right?
So let me tell you what I feel I should have done, other than getting the hell out if it after 4 months. 4 months I was already wrapped up like you are. So I know how hard running can be.
I should have educated myself right then and there. I should have focused on my own recovery right then. Built a support system right then. Al anon, nar anon if you are lucky to have either in your area that works with your schedule.
Educate yourself fully on addiction and co dependancy. That way you can get strong and well.
Get help for yourself. From what I understand, the group thing will help you to develop skills to live with an addict without it tearing you apart by every fiber of your being.
Do those things. No matter what. You need to do them.
I chose anger, blame, division, threats, destruction on my end. I did no work on me. I did not educate myself or get help. I took my eyes off my own problems and made this the reason my own life felt like it was failing.
Do these things. Get well. Get strong.
Do these things for you.
But in the event you guys can heal and overcome together then you will be needing to do these things anyway. Them getting well will not be a fix all. You need to recover as well. Normal healthy people dont get involved with people who have major addictions like this. Not to say there is something "wrong" with us, but its true.
In my opinion, you will BOTH need recovery if it is to work out.
If you can overcome together, what a story! If you choose to stay, then work on you. Learn about them, and work on you. No matter what.
In the end no matter what, if you work on yourself, and educate yourself on what they are going through you will be a better person and stronger.
Your choice is your choice. I know how hard it is to walk away. So my best advice is whatever you end up doing... GET HELP NOW. Do not wait. Educate yourself. Learn. Heal. Recover.
I could have been doing this the whole time, but I paved the path for destruction on my end instead.
This will be one of the most awful things you will go through if you remain. But if you get help and recover you will be a better person.
Prepare to lay in bed and fight with yourself. Prepare to mourn, and mourn, and mourn.
Prepare to be done, then have them come back and repeat the process all over again. Be prepared for a gaping wound that begins to scab. That pain begins to subside because they are home. Then they leave again to feed the beast. Or they have been gone, and you finally think you had enough, and if they stay gone you can endure. Then they return.
Either way you will rip that scab open and bleed again.
You will pour out blood and lay in pain. They wont.
You will feel deep pain over their actions. They wont.
This will go on until something happens.
You will leave them, they will leave you, you will get better alone, they will get better alone, or you both will get better together. Those are just a few of the outcomes.
Again... GET HELP NOW. Do not wait a few years. PLEASE.