ArtMachine

Weeks have gone by now with very little contact with my son, since the very serious incident/OD/suicide attempt/melt down he had when I wouldn't pursue a full on personal injury lawsuit he demanded from a very small fender bender we were in together, so he could get drugs and money.

I feel a lot of guilt from the relief this distance has given me. The huge hole in my life I used to fill with obsession and endless worry for my son, I'm slowly filling this hole with meetings, self care and pursuing friendships and family time.

I need to turn over the anxiety I feel to my HP as the medical bills come in from his hospital stay. (Do I owe for them if he's on my policy? or does he as an adult?) I'm already dealing with my own health issues and medical bills (which have receded since my exposure to my son is now minimal).

Also, I am avoiding him, I won't lie. I have him blocked as a phone call and texts and put my phone on do not disturb often, in case he calls from other numbers, I turned off notifications on messenger as well. I feel such an intense amount of calm and guilt. Very conflicted.

I know I'm avoiding dealing with my own son and the possible downward spiral of his life without my help. But, he may be ok, (as much as an addict can be ok). My question is this: is not knowing healthy? Am I remiss in some way by not allowing him to contact me? Is this avoidance part of My disease or a step towards reducing co dependency?

Your wise and experienced input is deeply appreciated.