It definitely did get harder to recover each time. Withdrawling became significantly more severe. I would talk to your doctor about withdrawl meds as it can be very dangerous.
After my last relapse I just felt more done with it than ever before. I knew, like you said, I could not do that again. I would die.
That's the awful part about marinating yourself with a depressant like alcohol, it leaves you feeling so helpless that you don't care if you live or die. Or at least I did not. Now I do. It's work, but it's so much better than feeling that way.
GL,
Jules