Welcome. I'm glad you're here and posting.
It is probably worth getting yourself checked over by your doctor as well a hitting those AA meetings. You know, Tomsteve is completely right about that gift of desperation. It didn't feel like a gift at the time, but there was suddenly a level of desperation; feeling like there was a big tsunami wave building up behind me and my whole world was about to implode if i didn't get out,and quick. I hated who and what I'd become and what my life was. It felt like there was no way out. Turned out there was a secret tunnel called Sobriety. I snuck myself out that tunnel on my hands and knees and when I emerged after a little while sober and the startings of some recovery work Icouldn't quite believe what life looked like on the other side.
Of course - it's never a done job. The recovery work is a work in progress, but it is more than worth it for what I get out of it.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery, and look forward to your future posts. It'll be a pleasure to see your progress from desperation to serenity. I have no doubt you can do this - IF you want it enough.
BB