Al, I am sorry you are back and nothing is better. FYI - You joined oct. 2010 to be exact.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, my friend. You got to want it more than anything and work very hard to achieve it. Maybe this will be your rock bottom.
Hugs!!
P.s. I told my axh that he too would die from alcohlism and he said to me, "I have to die from something".