Old photos.
What do you do when every photograph you took in the past ten years is one that makes you cry because it's a memory you had with your STBAXH?
I love my photo album, but every one is a good memory related to him. I wish I had taken photos of him high, or injured, or taken photos of the horrible mess our lives were reduced to in the past few months. The only visual reminded I have of how bad things got is that in some of the latest photos, he looks gaunt, grey, sick, and his eyes look like they have given up hope. When I see those photos, I know for sure that his torment was greater than mine, and that he wished he could change his life. Still, I only took photos on "good" days. If we had a good day, and he was doing better, I would take him to a restaurant and get the camera out because I was always so happy those times.
The early days were really... I miss the early days, before he became a full-blown addict. You know, when it wasn't so frequent. When his cheeks were still rosy. When I still smiled in photos and I looked like a girl, still.
I wonder if I'm going through a mid-life crises.