I had previously been living in a sort of state of fear about returning to "the world of the drinking" and being tempted from being around alcohol. But it's so prevalent in our society that I knew I was going to have to work out a way to be able to go out at night without being tempted.
So I planned a night to go and make succulent terrariums with some friends. While I was getting ready, I admit I almost had a panic attack. But instead of letting it consume me, I did some deep breathing exercises and got myself re-centered and didn't leave the house until I felt completely confident.
I was the DD, so I went to pick up my friends and headed to the bar where the Plant Nite was being hosted.
It was pretty freeing to not be obsessively looking around for the bar, or screaming inside waiting for the waiter to bring me a drink. I had a soda water with lime. I noticed for the first time how many people were NOT drinking. I always had it cemented in my head that everyone drinks, and I'd be the sad loner not drinking. This was all completely in my head fueled by my addiction to alcohol.
Last time I went to one of the events, I got completely wasted and passed out on the bathroom floor of the restaurant. I had terrible social anxiety, so I'd drink before hand "to take the edge off" then once I had a few drinks in me, I'd blackout and drink way more than I'd intended. I'd feel tired and crappy and wouldn't even remember the night. The next day I would look at the window to make sure the car made it back in one piece and wasn't parked on the lawn because in my blackout state I would drive 😖 Then I'd spend the rest day feeling hungover and ashamed, trying to piece the night together. It's a horrible way to live.
This time, I savored the simple pleasures of being truly present and engaged with others. I made a beautiful terrarium, and some great memories. We even went to another bar after and listened to some live music. I had an NA beer because I really do like the taste and I get tired of water sometimes.
It was lovely. Don't be afraid to embrace a life without alcohol - it's amazing
