I completely understand. In the industry, traveling itself can take such a toll on our bodies. It is a natural vulnerability. It makes saying no that much harder, because you are already weary from the difficulty of life on the road. I find your phrasing reflective of my experiences also. The "glue" holding your closet of demons together... I had a kind of glue too. But I found that it was not very strong or resilient. It depleted me. If I were to evaluate it like I would any other relationship, I would see that I was giving it everything and it was giving nothing back. I also relate to the act of making excuses to sneak away and indulge in unhealthy behaviors, simply to cope with a life that had become cyclical, self-serving, and empty.
I deeply encourage you to commit to saying no tomorrow. No to the free Chardonnay, no the airport bar. I know you can do this. I believe in your ability to set your true and wise mind over the addictive voices. And just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Have compassion and love for yourself, sit with ten year old you and make decisions for that child if making them for yourself is too much at times.
But yes...the airport is absolutely and always a stressor. Maybe take melatonin or kava root tea before the flight to help you relax?