Day Six again... I'm flattened and feeling terrible... how do I finally kick this...
One year sober.
One whole year.
And then I went to a three-week-long work thing. I KNEW this was going to be a problem but I was feeling cocky so I didn't check AA before I went.
(My history: female, social drinker age 22-27... heavy binge drinker 27-36... now 37...)
Third day in, an important guy said that he'd give me a contract if I did a shot with him. I am desperate for work so I did it. (This is how it is done in my industry). I got the work. I also got a three-week bender out if it. When they say NOT EVEN ONCE they mean it.
Got help. Went back to AA. Told my husband (he is disappointed but supportive). Now my liver area is in burning pain and I can't keep anything down, water or food and my fatigue is awful. I am a week sober and feel like I am going to die. Had labs and ultrasound taken in late June and the doctors didn't see ANYTHING but now I'm CONVINCED I've finally f***ed myself over for good and that this three-week bender pushed me over into cirrhosis and I am going to die. I have a job now so I can go back for counseling which I plan to do.
I don't know what to do besides go back to AA and never drink again and try better. But what if my body is dying? I feel like I'm going to die.
what do i do now