Originally Posted by Lava256

OK, so I drank last night. The AV started on me when I was making lunch during the day but I managed to not give in at the time. Later in the evening, though, it was really strong. I went to my computer to log in here and, guess what, my internet was not working and I couldn't reach out. Perhaps if I had, I may not have drank. Anyway, I did not drink immediately; I first made myself tea, put my son in bed and then got to thinking, 'I can't spend another long night drinking tea!!!! I want this night to be fun. I want to drink. I'm going to drink...Oh, and I certainly will not log in to SR!'. So I made myself the first drink, and it was just what I needed. Only that (maybe it was because I hadn't had dinner yet but..) I was super high after that first one. But did that stop me from getting a second? Nope. After number 2, I was super super high. I won't say drunk because my husband didn't even notice. But I was struggling staying focused. The last thing I remember is getting myself a third drink (suicide), my husband asking if I wanted to watch one of my TV shows, me getting off my desk and going to the couch to watch TV. This was at around maybe 10:30 pm. Then I wake up, in bed, at 4:30 am and I'm wondering how I got into bed. I reach under my pillow to check for my phone and I find the TV remote. I almost laughed. I get out of bed and what is that on my nightstand, my unfinished glass of gin and tonic. I was a mix of emotions. I was thankful that at least I stopped at some point in my quest to kill myself and managed to get myself into bed. So I took the glass of gin to the kitchen, the remote back to the living room, drank a glass of milk and went back to bed. I was apprehensive that maybe I'd had a fight with my husband but, thankfully, he was cool in the morning. More likely, he left me 'watching TV' and I crawled in quietly. Phew! We/He can't handle another drunken fight.

So I'm back to day one but very happy about it, this time. I sure dodged a million bullets last night because, who knows, a million horrible things could've have happened to me while I was blacked out. I can't live like this anymore. I just can't. So, here's to day one.