Old 08-13-2017, 07:02 AM
  # 177 (permalink)  
Steely
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,282
Taken a break from the grind, had a shower, eaten and have a satisfied feeling about all of the work I have done. Methodical, organised, selective and paring down. I have visions of my little garden.

I think about what today would be like if I were drinking. I would have achieved nothing and woken to the same (only worse) chaos than before, and hated myself the moreso. Interesting how three of us have had a blip and each and everyone regretted the move. Learning.

Though I'm tired and can't sleep I feel accomplished and am planning my new little pad in my mind. I wish the relationship with my son was better and just maybe after I have moved we will be able to work things out. It's what I truly want, and think he does too. So much pain from the past.

It's true kenton, I thought my moving would make for resolution but still he keeps at it. There is more to his "vendetta" (awful stuff) than just my living here, or my drinking as I didn't drink like a lunatic when he was young. I think it has a lot to do with the breakdown of his father's and my separation. He lost his Mummy and still he blames me. It's sad, and I worry about him even though he can be a little duck.

Crumbs, I started drinking at the LOSS of my children not BECAUSE of them. My husband was a relatively powerful (for those who don't know) academic who took the children to Queensland leaving me to languish in a psych unit. The good old nervous breakdown.

There were no refuges back then nor adequate single parent pensions, and I had nowhere to live, nowhere to raise children and my husband ripped me off with the house. I didn't know it at the time but in a moment of honesty he admitted to it. I had no leg to stand on and lost my children and became an out of control drunk.

I have been talking solely about myself and am so sorry, but have gone back and read everyone's posts and going to take me a bit of time to process and digest but I'll tell you what kenton, you look like the last person in the world to neck the bottle. Thought it was only me that did that.

I still can't get Tinypics to upload so can't post my pic yet Nands. I was so anxious that my age would have people run a mile (top feminist ) and not take me seriously, burnt out or something.

I'm glad you are starting to feel better Nands, you know how much I love you.

I don't know, except that (I know) ageism is alive and well and I love talking with younger people with wise minds, and hope the same from those younger wise minds in regards myself. I love the diversity of our beautiful Nobenders. Can't believe how lucky I got to have met you all.

My post is too long but believe me Plenny when I say I once nearly wrapped a skim board (they're pretty light) around a bloke's head because he was being such a d/head, and I was d/head drunk. I would never have done that if sober, hate violence.

There is anger in me that needs to be understood and expressed properly. Skim board 'round the head doesn't really fit this criteria, and I don't want it to.

Sorry about long post and self rave but wanted to check in if for no other reason than to say Nands that the tiara is mine, all mine, I say! Mental image of hands gleefully rubbing together. . I am the sister of sop.

More hard yakka tomorrow but there is end in sight and cannot thank you enough for your unwavering support.

And I made ice blocks out of freshly squeezed orange juice. For me, that's full on creative.
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