If I thought there was no point in turning bck I would be dead. My bro died @ 42 because he DECIDED there was no point in living. Meaning he did not try to stop. He still got his booze, kept a dog alive- so he had some apacity to think. There is always hope. I burnt to death- and science revived me 3 times- because of a booze blackout. Then after hospital things were very bad. THAT would have been the time to give up. Never give up- keep trying, moving forward. Go to meetings- sit and listen to the stories- with a willingness to learn. Ignore the dogma. Those that taste death- hunger life. Do not go down that path. I would not wish that on anyone. Use your curiosity- to pour out the booze for good- now. Post here, join some threads. Live life- you only get one.
Empathy and support to you.