Thanks for explaining shutterbug
when I read your story I think about how inspirational it is - you're climbing out of a deep hole, back to the surface, back to feeling the sun on your face, back to being you.
I lost over 3 decades of my life to weed and drink,. but the last ten years sober have been more important to me. I've done so much in the last decade and, as loathsome as addiction is, it brought me to this place, and this point in my life - and it's not a bad place to be.
We can't forget the past or its lessons, but I hope you'll stop feeling disappointed in yourself
D