Hello and welcome to you. I too feel such pain reading your story, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I would give anything to be closer to you and just sit down with you and hug you and listen. You sound miserable and just completely spent. It is so hard to believe right now, I know it all to well, but there is hope, you CAN stop the madness.
I would highly, highly suggest inpatient rehab. I know that taking time away from your daughters and life and work obligations seems impossible, but when there is a will there is a way.
Rehab first and foremost will keep you away from alcohol for at least 30 days. You will have 30 days sober as a starting point. You will learn coping techniques for cravings, how to deal with stress, etc. You will also meet individually with a psychologist and be able to begin working on yourself, removing not just from your alcoholism but from years of abuse. You will be fed a healthy diet and learn to eat right again. You will also just be able to "check out" of your life for a while. Just a time for you to concentrate on you and only you and not worry about the house, bills, work, etc.
Going to rehab saved my life, it was what finally pulled me out of the death spiral. I have had a few relapses since leaving rehab, but I have been able to quickly put a stop to them and get back to working hard on my sobriety. I honestly think I would be dead by now had I not gone to rehab. I was drinking from morning to night, 3 or more bottles of wine a day, if there was no wine I would chug hard liquor, anything. Life was a complete and total mess and I was killing myself while my children watched. I am so thankful to be out. You can get out too.
Please stick around here, please let us help.