I have been asking myself this question over and over again this past month: why am/was I so stupid? I was with my AH for ten years, all of those years he was an addict, six of those years he hid his addiction. So what made me stay for the other four years? I think addicts will manipulate you and everyone they come into contact with in order to continue their addiction. If you're going to be the source of food, shelter, clothing, money, sex, or make him/her look "normal" because it means they have a spouse, family, best friend, they will hold on to you. It's got nothing to do with you. Of course, maybe they might really want to be "normal". They might really have loved you or still love you, but they are not able to have loving relationships and share all the responsibility that love entails.
He wants you, but he also wants to drink. He loves you, but he also loves to drink. Even if sometimes he doesn't love drinking, he is not going to be able to stop just because he says he wants to stop. Anyway, this is how I see my AH. Addiction is an extremely selfish "disease" -- if you can call it that (some people do, I'm "on the fence", I think it's a behavioral disorder that can become a "disease", but I'm not an addiction specialist).
I don't know if it will help you to go "no contact" for a while...?
Originally Posted by
tls19 
Why am I so stupid?
We ended. He finally was sober enough to realize. He feels bad and makes al the promises again. I tell him I hope he does get help and I just need to take care of myself now. He "seemed" to get it. It was honestly nice to her the sober person if only for a few minutes. His final words were that he will make things right, win me back, prove to me he can do it, he doesn't want to lose me.... you know how it goes. I thought I did too.
Tonight, he sent a text initiating a conversation to cover a couple things, thinking it would be easier I just called wanting to make it quick. He didn't answer but sent another text saying he was busy and I should text him instead. He initiated this conversation and wants to "win" me back, but he doesn't make the effort to answer the phone but only wants to text. this goes around a few times and he resists calling.. hhhmmm. no rocket science here, he's drinking again. He made it a few hours this time.
I said well then just call when you can. Nope says I'm not being respectful of him, I have all kinds of anger, wants to stand by me but I have to stop this craziness and just text him.
What? why did I even crack the door? Here he wants to make it right, wants to talk but then won't and accuses me of being not respectful to expect him to talk instead of having fun with his friends watching football and not drinking.
Feels so manipulating. It was just meant to be a simple conversation. I know I don't want to be with him, but I guess I hoped for his wellness. I was stupid to think he'd actually try. I thought perhaps 2 months, not 2 hours. And then I get the abusive, manipulating words....again. I have often felt that he sets me up and then twists the situation back on me, accusing me of the things he's doing and really believing it.. craziness!!!!
As I began this post, why am I so stupid?