Old 08-10-2017, 08:55 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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tis19......I don't think that you have, yet, fully accepted the realities of the disease.
(it is hard to accept, I know...and it does take time).
You have said that you read everything you can get your hands on (and that is a good thing, in my opinion), and as you learn more, you will realize that the disease exerts powerful control....and, until the person get some moments of clarity where they decide that they want to get sober for themselves...for whatever reason....they will not get into recovery.
You can want it with every fiber of your being...and, it will not make any difference.
It has nothing to do with you....this disease....
Remember the 3 Cs?
You didn't Cause it; You can't Control it; and you can't Cure it.....

He is doing what alcoholics do....he is not doing it to deliberately hurt you (though it does). It is not personal against you. Alcoholics drink because of what is inside of them....and you happened to be in his path.....

In addition, you are grieving....it is hard to break the bonds that have formed.
I am sure that you still miss him...and crave a connection to him. This will exist for weeks to months...It will come to an end...eventually....
I suspect that you are still carrying hope....and, with us humans, hope dies hard...especially for the things that we really want....

But, there is Reality that has to be dealt with....reality can be painful...and, it can destroy us if we deny reality.....
LOL...denial doesn't just belong to the alcoholic....we are all susceptible to denial.....

You asked "Why am I so stupid"....I sure hope that that is a rhetorical question....
You touched the stove...and, yes, it is still hot. simple as that.....
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