I can totally relate.
I physically have a cold and have been in bed basically for 36 hrs. I have gotten depressed by this... too much time in my head.
My ex dumped me on my 2nd day sober and has since moved on to another girl. Feels pretty crappy. (At least I'm bettering myself, she'll be enjoying the same old same old indignant man...best of luck to her!)
But, I'm not drinking. And I'm not going to.
I know that it won't always be like this. It's time for me to just heal a bit. Hinging onto someone would not allow for me to really focus on me. I don't want to get this wrong. I want my life to be sober no more self inflicted misery. Life is enough to contend with.
I have said exactly what you said "who would want me?" I wouldn't...not like I was...but I'm getting back to the girl I was prior.
So I'm not "perfect" but I am not that girl anymore...and it's only been 50 days.
It's truly a blessing to come here and see you're not alone.
I'm trying to revel in the freedom and alone time...but I certainly feel lonely at times too. I just redirect my attention if possible and if not. I feel it. Alcohol allowed me to feel nothing. Good, bad, indifferent. That's horrible in and of itself. Also bc getting reaquainted with my feelings has been rough. But it already worth it.
Take care,
Jules