Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
I don't think there is a single, "right" answer, personally.
I think what you describe IS enough for a lot of people.
I also think there is a tangible difference between loving someone & being IN LOVE with them. Others may disagree, I don't care.... I want/need that feeling in my love life. (and again, that starts inside ME)
I hear you basically saying that what you have should be "good enough" by society's standards and in the absence of having a better idea of YOUR TRUE heart desires, you *should* be happier.
I hate it when I'm should'ing all over myself.
My problem is that I don't know what 'good enough' even means or what a good relatioship should (yep, I used it too) look like because everyone is different, personalities are different, and what some might see as a NO WAY in heck red flag, others are more likely to pass things off as acceptable or not even bothersome to them. And, since I've never had a good relationship in my entire life, I constantly nitpick the one I'm in. It's like my own brand of emotional crack.
If you were to ask me if I was in love with this man. My answer would be yes! I know that I soften when he's around, not in a bad way but in a way where I feel like I can let my guard down and don't have to be cheery or professional or whatever. He places no expectations on my behavior whatsoever and seems to accept me no matter what. When I apologize for being crabby for a few days and I realize I've not been my best, he nods and smiles and just tells me it's ok because we're human and we all are entitled to have bad days. When he gets in to bed after I do and he leans over and kisses my cheek, I may be half asleep but I will roll over and hug him and we just settle in with each other comfortably. Moments like that are where I know I am in love with him. I make a choice to love him every day, to serve him, to support him and he does the same for me. So, yes I love him and I am in love with him. I remember having a conversation with him where we were discussing a very debatable political issue in the car. His intelligence, openmindedness, and ability to examine both sides of the argument without bias made me love him more and I told him so.
As for what Anvil said about the Pygmalion theory. There may be some truth to that as I've never thought of it before. And, yes, Anvil, I know I've posted repeatedly about this relationship and am quite aware.