I can only speak for myself, but I kept chasing that high of being demonstrably wanted--despite being in relationships with good people who were good for me--until I realized that I could not be satisfied with an external relationship until my relationship with myself was solid and unwavering, and until I did the work to have that. I needed to be on my own to have and do that, and to stop wasting other people's time and energy while I got my act together.