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Old 08-06-2017, 09:44 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Sasha1972
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
It sounds like you actually have the situation pretty well in hand. You know that what this other man represents is just a fantasy. You know that you have a great man in your real life. It feels good to know that fantasy dude sees you as an awesome woman but you don't want to throw everything away for a fantasy dude (who hits on women in relationships).

Could you apply some Al Anon wisdom and let your actions lead your feelings? In other words, cut off contact with fantasy dude, even though you don't really completely want to, and let your feelings of appreciation and love for the real man in your life grow in the space that you've opened up by ditching the fantasy?

I can sympathize a bit because I had my own version of this situation when I was married - old friend on another continent who decided I was pretty awesome and generally found me a lot more fascinating than my then-husband did. We exchanged a long series of flirty emails before it dawned on me that I was doing the kind of thing that would turn me into someone I didn't want to be. I also knew that fantasy dude was a player who had a history of hitting on lots of people (generally pretty straightforwardly- he just liked sex and romance a lot). There was definitely a connection, electricity, whatever you want to call it, and it was fun, but not fun enough to do something stupid and sleazy like screw up my marriage (this was when I was still blissfully ignorant of how much my husband was drinking).

So - acknowledge the situation for what it is - fantasy, a bit of an escape from reality, a nice boost of validation, but not really a option. Cut off contact with the dude. Your heart and mind will follow. It's good that you're talking about this with your sponsor - hopefully she will act as your voice of reason in this situation.
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