Hey Kev,
I guess I'm gonna weigh in for what its worth ....
I have found that for me, if I have a certain level of intimacy with a man, I tend to end up with that sex drive kick. I've annalized it six ways from Sunday, and have lots of opinions on why ... fear that if there isn't sex they will eventually be off with someone else and leave me behind, Dad telling me that "this is how adults show love", etc. Whatever it is, I do know that sexual desire is originally not a bad thing, but like any other desire or instinct ... can get twisted or cause problems.
I'll share that I have crushed out on friends, only to realize later it was out of fear that they wouldn't stay my friend if we weren't sexual (and it was a load of **** in my head..not true at all). I also got some real sexual feelings toward my therapist for about 6 weeks early in our therapy. He is married, I set aside the feeling but didn't deny it or reveal it to him, the sexual desire that had come then left the building. I think if I had shamed myself or fought that the feeling was there it would have really wrapped me up.
Sometimes I can come across like I am anti-male or anti-relationships, and I'm really not. I just know that they can add to life or they can take away and I really like (on balance) being single.
In this case, I just have to say as Dee did ... "see a lot of red flags". But I see that both with your BF and with this AA dude. that said ... I got involved with a lot of red-flag men, got bruised and battered a lot (not physically), and I don't actually regret a one of them!
so ... two things...
When I talked to Dad the other day, I told him ... but you know she never loved you...after 6 months of marriage she decided she hated you and never came back ... I guess I expected him to be hurt, but he just looked at me with all the gentle love a ghoust can and told me "I know that. It doesn't matter. I loved her".
And when one of the men I loved wanted me back after a bad breakup, I remember leaving his life knowing that he was getting well for someone else. I loved him, but it just wasn't gonna be a me and him thing. 4 months later he started dating my old sponsor, they ended up married and have been together for the last 30 years. We are friends on facebook and it really is all exactly as it should be. And I still love him with all my heart, along with a number of other important men in my past life.
Ok .. I rattled on... Kev ... what ever you decide, whatever you do, it will be what you make of it. No right, no wrong (no matter how much I think I know those things
) Just a choice to be made (even if it is not to make a choice right now) and then you make the best of whatever life serves you after that... make more decision, make more lemonaide, and so forth.
You are doing so great!!!!
