I didn't see my drinking as an issue. Married with 2 kids and I got to drinking every night. My wife left as she couldn't deal with it, but she didn't want to be in the marriage really (that was obvious) and we had other major problems. I felt she used it as an easy get out...though I knew it hadn't helped. Fast forward and I met an amazing girl. Loving, kind, easy going. To start she didn't mind I drank. Wahoo...here, this is better I thought. Her last hubby was a rotter and hurt her physically and mentally. I looked after her, in all ways. Helped care for her dad who had dementia, helped financially, we were so close and both had hurt from childhood. I cared for her, she accepted me getting mashed but merry. That's how it seemed. I was wrong! Big time. She was lonely. The man she loved wasn't there. She asked please don't drink til later so i get some time with 'you', before you pass out. I still turned up battered. We split. I begged fir a 2nd chance but knew i wasn't able at the time to keep that promise to stop. Miss counselling appointments. Drank aroubd her. She knew. In the end I lost something and someone amazing. We might think we're ok to be with, but we're not in the room....we're drunk. Reading the posts from sober other halves crying out for help on here as to what to do, how to deal with alcholic other halves helped me see whilst not harmful or violent like others, was still damaging emotionally for my girlfriend. I lost her and she won't risk taking me back. I'm nearly 3 weeks in and i don't blame her now...i did 3 weeks ago. Read the posts on here. Be honest with yourself if something twinges a nerve. You've got alot to lose, and more to gain. I can't go back. Only forward. Can i be in a relationship and drink. Only with a drinker and who wants that? I don't. I might have taught me a lesson had i been though.
I understand the resentment angle. I stopped for a year after my wife left. It made no difference to her....but wow. It did to my life. But even then I wasn't clear....i thought it was her problem. It was mine.
No one can make you want to. But maybe the lessons others have learned can help. Good luck!