Toebutt

So hey. I am, like, 2 days sober. I just don't get it, I don't like it, and it sucks. I drank to relax, everyday (3-7 beers, tall boys, more on weekends). It was just something I did. Like make stupid dad jokes. Cook great steaks. Fart at inopportune times. Pop my wife's toes (with her consent). Honestly most things are a joke for me. That is why it is so striking, this sobriety thing feels so ominously serious.

I don't want to quit. I didn't hurt anyone. I don't drink and drive. I don't become angry or mean when I drink. I just laugh at my own jokes a bit more, and sometimes fall asleep on the couch after my wife goes to bed. I know the amount I drank was unhealthy and excessive. My life insurance told me so when he justified my exhorbitant premium.

The problem is that my wife does not like me drinking. She becomes annoyed when I have 1. 2. 3. 4. Then she just gets mad if I have more. It pretty much just got laid out for me: stop drinking or I am eventually going to leave you. Given the choice of sobriety (sucks) and wife either (a) always mad at me for drinking or (b) splitting up our family, I chose to stop drinking. But that is not the same as WANTING to quit. I miss drinking the same way someone gets a cold and misses being able to breathe through their nose.

How do I get to a place where I WANT not to drink? How do I not resent her over time?