Originally Posted by
incognition 
Thanks Dee. I really hope you're right. It's hard to be hopeful right now when I'm forgetting the simplest of things on a daily basis, but one of the reasons I signed up here was for support....and hope. I used to post on all sorts of message boards in the past before I started drinking, and the only ones I ever posted on when I got drunk were really bad, and I got banned from half of them.
I guess, in particular, this is hitting me really hard because this is the first medical problem that I've directly done to myself. I've had mental issues before, but none of those were really my fault. I just can't help beating myself up lately over this one, particularly because it's so severe and the consequences were directly caused by my actions. Add to that the guilt over what I could have been doing with those 6 years (which should have been the prime of my life) besides killing my brain and...well....the self-loathing is hard to stop some days
First, Welcome!
Second, I can completely relate to the inability to "grasp" the right word when writing or speaking (I believe this is called
aphasia) and the period of time I endured it when I got sober scared me to no end. I am a writer by passion and education and words are so important to me. It took me til 6 mo to be creative and eloquent enough to start my latest blog, and it was probably a month or two before that when I felt confident in my speaking again. I too was scatter-brained, distracted, had little ability to concentrate....Like Dee said, wanting to "be better now" (and I'd add, being scared we will never be ok) is normal, unrealistic, and disheartening. As people told me, "time takes time."
Third, your sober time is awesome! And it's still very early. Taking care of ourselves means a LOT of different things - starting with not drinking and gradually incorporating SO much more. Have you thought about a program of action? Those of us who stay sober tend to get that way because we DO specific things to live a life of recovery. Mine is AA - others will tell you about success with an SR-only based regimen, AVRT, CBT, etc. The key is in the doing.
Glad to see you here, and know that we can relate. Take care- keep going. It really, truly, absolutely keeps getting better if you don't drink. The best thing about it "getting better" (for me) is that I have a REAL life, where choice and peace are both within my grasp. The rewards of my sobriety are immense.