Welcome rushbettersober
I think a lot of us thought we were dealing with things by drinking....but ultimately I think drinking was really us running away from those problems.
Nothing ever got solved - just pushed to one side...
and, over time...I needed more and more drinks to get that numb oblivious state.
I've learned a lot about myself by staying sober...I'm more capable than I ever thought I was...and 'straight' reality is fair from being the nightmare I convinced myself it was.
I know how daunting the first step is and I know the fear and the what ifs ...but there's a motherlode of support wisdom and understanding here.
You're not alone
D