TLC

We have been together for nearly 7 years. Planning a life together. Helped him buy a cabin and making it financially easier for him to do so. His drinking increased substantially as did the verbal abuse. (he has destroyed several relationships in the process))

I have walked the typical path of trying to help, making suggestions, trying to get him into treatment (of which he has twice) but drinks through the process. Lots of empty promises.

I finally kicked him out a year ago, as his drinking and verbal abuse was out of control and I discovered he had a "secret" girlfriend who he justified as being nice while I was mean and he had fun with her, while I only complained about his drinking. etc...

He was devastated to not have a place to live and drank himself into the hospital, of which he denies having anything to do with alcohol. His siblings have nothing to do with him, he is estranged from his parents and his kids have anger and addiction issues as well.

Finally after a lot of heart ache, verbal abuse, cheating, pleading with me. I agreed with the conditions of sobriety, active involvement with treatment and couple counseling...I would "let us try again".

This worked for 2 months and he has been "slipping" every two weeks and denying it. I keep calling him on it and bringing up that he is still using and has contacted this woman again. He of course feels shame and doesn't want to talk about it. Saying that I never let it go and he won't be with someone that never gets over anything and makes him pay for it over and over again. I've said that I let the past go, but the behavior doesn't change. He finally said that I am hurting him too much and he can't be with me anymore, calling me names etc. (excuse me? I am hurting him?)

I am otherwise a very stable person, but his man brings out such emotion in me, he aims well below the belt in verbal harm, going deeper and deeper until I respond and then in my emotional reaction, I am the crazy one.

I am going to Al Anon and will continue to do so. But trying to talk with him is crazy making and now all that I endured, he thinks I'm the one with issues. I had such a hard time walking away, for reasons I don't yet understand. I hung in there with him, and now he leaves me. I feel the fool. The fool for staying, the fool for trying, the fool for believing in him. I now feel humiliated for not leaving him and waiting for him to do this to me. I gave him the power to hurt me.

I need to walk away, not look back and continue with Al Anon. But since AlAnon doesn't give advice, I am wondering if there is anyone with insight that may help me well and truly let go and go forward in a healthy way. To not feel ashamed for being the "nag" and waiting until such a sick person leave me. Sometimes I wonder about now having self respect. Thanks for listening and I hope someone out there reads this and learns to take care of themselves before enduring such pain. Thanks