Hey GreenThumbRN,
Sober exhaustion beats a drunken blackout any day!
Or... maybe I can just have one drink? It doesn't have to be outrageous does it? For real, just a "normal" drink; not the half-bottle that I used to call a drink because I could fit it in a blender jar.
That might make me feel better, after all, we all need a little dopamine right?
Naaaaaaaaah Even though that strategy failed a hundred times before, the thought always comes back when we're at our lowest and weakest as though it were fresh and original, a flash of "enlightenment." But it's a false satori.
Sober enlightenment is the realization that the nature of our relationship with alcohol is best reflected in the words of an old Irish drinking song: "If the ocean was whiskey and I was a duck; I'd swim to the bottom and drink my way up"
One is too many and a thousand is never enough!
Try paying attention to what's different in your life. Even though you are feeling exhausted, is it possible your job performance has improved? Is it possible you are more patient in traffic than when you were hungover? Are you able to pay better attention to others in your family and workplace?
I don't mean perfection in any of these, but a lot of people notice a steady accumulation of incremental improvements like "Wow, I haven't road-raged all day!" Or, "I did a good job today, crossed all my t's and dotted all my i's."
Maybe you've noticed that other people respond more positively to you now that your complexion has improved and the mask of death has faded. Could it be that they actually respect you, or is it that you are outwardly more confident? Probably both.
Keep up the good work, you may not have gained your "superpowers" yet (who has?) but you are making progress!