Kev, hope it goes ok with your bf this weekend. It must be tough having to keep your true feelings to yourself for fear of upsetting him. Vent here instead. I always find that writing stuff here massively helps get some order in my disorganised brain.
Poppy and Nands, thank you so much for talking so honestly about the hell hole of relapse. Your words are golden - the most valuable warning to other addicts. By sharing you are saving others from the horror of relapse. I'm so sorry you've gone through it but I know you are stronger as a result.
So I've been noticing stuff about myself I never noticed before. We've started watching Ozark on Netflix. Has anyone seen it? It's brilliant. Got the whole Breaking Bad vibe. Anyway, last night we watched an episode and I wanted to watch another and another even though I was tired and needed to sleep. Luckily my husband understands the meaning of moderation and so knows when to turn off the TV and cut me off from my latest addiction. I realised I'm like this with everything. When we travel anywhere and I buy sweets for the journey, my sweets are scoffed before we've even got on the motorway whereas my husband will still have some left for the journey home.
I've never really noticed before how my addictive personality manifests itself every single day. No wonder I went so overboard with booze! It's great to finally have this self awareness and to realise that me and toxic substances are never going to be a good mix.
Just noticed we've got over 500 posts on this thread and Dee is away. I might message Anna and see if she can create a new thread for us so no one might see this message. If you do, hello! Hope you are all doing ok. Much love xxxxx